Hey there, beautiful website visitor! This is the Successful Freelance Mom Privacy and Cookie Policy, written by me, not a lawyer, in plain ordinary English so that humans can understand it, in compliance with the General Data Protection Regulation, which states that a businesses should make these policies “concise, transparent, intelligible and easily accessible.”

I didn’t consult with a lawyer to figure out if this policy actually is compliant. If you really want to try to sue me, I probably have a couple of quarters you can have, if you come over and dig through my couch cushions.

Here’s the deal. Successful Freelance Mom is currently ME, Abbi, and THAT’S IT.

I seriously don’t have time (or, frankly, desire) to do weird and crazy things with your data. Really. I don’t have time to things with MY data.

I don’t think that I collect any personal information about you when you visit my site. I also don’t really know if I use cookies or not. Seriously, no clue. I’m trying to figure this out and explain it in plain English, and when I know the answer, I’ll tell you.

If cookies are a thing that really bother you, then you probably already know how to turn them off and that sometimes when you turn them off, sites don’t work the way they are supposed to work.

If you comment on a blog post, you have to enter your email address. I do NOTHING with this. I don’t even know WHY you have to enter your email address, and one day I’ll either turn off comments or figure out a way NOT to ask for an email address.

If you sign up for one of my free email courses, I’m going to need your email address. That’s because I send the course via email, which, you know, requires that I have your email address.

The thing is, I put a lot of time and effort into creating ALL of my content, even my FREE content, and yeah, if you sign up for a free course, I AM eventually going to try to sell you something. I don’t know if you know this, but this is a BUSINESS, and I do this to support my family.

You don’t HAVE to buy anything from me, and EVERY SINGLE EMAIL that I send has an Unsubscribe link at the bottom. Click it, and you are unsubscribed. It takes TWO SECONDS.

Also, if you are on my email list, my email service provider stores your name and your email address, and I might one day use that information to create targeted Facebook ads.

But come on. Wouldn’t you rather see an ad about being a freelance writer than an ad about enlarging your hoo-ha, polyester dresses from China, or special underwear that keeps people from knowing you have your period? (All ads I have actually seen on Facebook. No joke.)

And speaking of Facebook, I do know that I have a Facebook pixel installed on this site. Its purpose is to slowly control every aspect of your mind and convince you to give me all of your money.

Ha ha! Just kidding. Funny, right?

Actually, I don’t know how the Facebook pixel works, but if you have an iPhone or an Echo in your house, you probably already know that anytime you THINK about something you see an ad for it three seconds later, so, there you go.

I also use Google Analytics, by which I mean I have some code installed on my website, and every so often, I go look at the Google Analytics site and see this.

I have no idea what any of that means. Again, I am currently a one-woman show and one day I may figure out some of this stuff.

If you purchase one of my courses or another paid product, THANK YOU. You are awesome.

Also, I am storing some of your data. Specifically, your name and email address, and possibly your phone number (which, hi, I never even call MY MOM, so I’m not going to call you either), and your purchase history, so that I can give you access to the products and services you paid for.

When I say that I am storing some of your data, I mean that the services I pay for — my email service provider (ConvertKit), my course provider (Teachable), and my payment processors (Paypal and Stripe) store some data so that you can access the products and services you paid for. Those are all big companies, and they have, like, whole departments of people who are figuring this stuff out, and I have to assume that they are doing it the right way.

I never see your credit card information. I don’t have it. Stripe and/or PayPal have it, and they claim to protect it securely. Also, your credit card company probably has some sort of zero liability thing in place.

There’s apparently a new thing where you have the right to be deleted and forgotten. I mean, I would never forget you in my HEART, but you can be forgotten by the machines. The thing is, if you request this, is means you will be FORGOTTEN, and if you bought a course, the system will FORGET that you bought it and you won’t be able to access it anymore. Up to you.